The Little Book of Crack oOo Bleach Style oOo
by gonyonomaru
Summary: Click if you dare.. inside this simple little book you will know what truly goes on in the lives of Bleach Characters... It might not be true.. but you never know what goes on behind the scenes.
1. oOo Ulquiorra oOo The pimple oOo

Hello! This is my new story! As the title says, this is a little book of crack filled with the rather humiliating lives of different characters. Oh and if anyone is interested, I also have an Akatsuki, Inuyasha and Naruto book of crack. Haha, enjoy! Reviews are welcome!

Shiffer Ulquiorra- The pimple

He had to do this every morning. Every single morning.

Sighing Ulquiorra got out of bed and walked to his bathroom. First he put on his clothing and washed his face. Every morning he had the same schedule, get up, get dressed, wash face, put on makeup.

However, when he looked in the mirror today he was absolutely horrified to see the worst thing in the world on his perfect face. It was... it was... a pimple.

Trying not to freak out Ulquiorra began to think what a human would do in that situation, considering they had pimples all the time. He had seen a human scratch it once, so he decided to do the same.

After a few minutes of scratching he looked in the mirror again and almost screamed. It had turned into a full blown rash now, and for some reason it was all puffy. How was he going to show his face now!

After calming down a bit Ulquiorra took out his while powder. Maybe if he put on enough of it his rash would be unseen.

Taking a deep breath he took the little cotton material, covered it with powder and began running it over his skin. By the time his entire face was covered he was late. Yes, he had a complete schedule.

He had to leave the bathroom five minutes ago, what would his subordinates think if they saw him slacking off in the bathroom? Now it was time to apply the green stripe makeup on his cheeks.

Well, actually it was just bringing them out more because they were already there but they were very light and could barely be seen. However, when he began to put it on he hit a bump from the pimple that made his line go off a bit.

Poor Ulquiorra nearly swallowed his tongue but then choked on his spit then he heard someone calling him. It was one of his subordinates and he was worried why he was not in the place he was scheduled to be.

Thinking fast Ulquiorra turned on the shower and locked the door to make it seem like he was taking a shower. His subordinate walked to the door and knocked lightly.

To Ulquiorra it sounded like the most terrifying door knock in the existence of all evil. Just before the subordinate was going to say something Ulquiorra said, "I'm taking a shower; I'll be out in twenty minutes."

The subordinate was quiet for a while and then he said, "Ulquiorra-sama, I thought you took your showers in the evening."

Now Ulquiorra did something no one would think he would even do. He made a little white lie and said, "I have a mission so I can't take a shower this evening." The subordinate seemed to except that and left.

Ulquiorra turned the shower off and looked in the mirror again. Then he sighed and used some tissues to wipe the smudge off.

After he was done making his stripe perfect Ulquiorra walked out of the bathroom with another sigh. However, he froze up when he realized he couldn't show his face anywhere in Las Noches because he had said he had a mission.

So, he decided to go see Aizen and ask if he could go to the real world for the rest of the day.

At the throne room...

Aizen sat on his throne in boredom. When he first decided to be the 'god' he was he had no idea it was so boring. All he did was sit and wait for someone to come to him.

Luckily, his boredom was momentarily destroyed by the arrival of his favourite Espada, Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra looked like he usually did, but for some reason his face was more pale then usual.

Aizen ignored that for a bit and listened to what Ulquiorra was saying, "Aizen-sama, may I please go to the real world for the day?"

Okay, there were a couple of things wrong with this. Ulquiorra never said please, or may I. He usually said something like 'I wish to request to go to the real world.'

Aizen narrowed his eyes at his Espada, there must be something wrong. Ulquiorra never ever said something non stotic.

Ulquiorra stood quietly in front of Aizen and waited for a reply. Aizen, being the evil bastard he is, decided to torture his little Espada for a bit and said, "Ulquiorra, you look pale are you alright?"

Ulquiorra shifted under his gaze, meaning he had struck a nerve. After some thinking Ulquiorra said, "My apologies, I will try to look less pale tomorrow." Aizen smirked, he wanted to burst out laughing but he had to act 'cool'.

Then Aizen said, "No need to apologize, now why do you want to go to the real world?" Once again Ulquiorra shifted, but this time there was a definite little flinch. "I wish to observe the way humans interact with each other."

Aizen's smirk nearly turned into a grin when he saw his Espada's obvious lie. Ulquiorra never cared about humans, even if his life depended on it. After discovering the lie Aizen said, "Why are you lying to me Ulquiorra?"

Ulquiorra wanted to gape at Aizen in surprise, how had he known he was lying! Stupid white lie, it got him in trouble for sure. Looking down, Ulquiorra said, "Forgive me, I have a pimple."

Aizen looked at his Espada, while thinking something along the lines of 'They seriously need to get out more, this is just ridiculous.' Shaking his head Aizen decided to ignore the pimple comment and said, "You may go to the real world, but no more lying."

Ulquiorra bowed and then left, he was definitely never going to say another lie again. He thought he would die of embarrassment when he had told Aizen he had a pimple.

On Earth...

Now, what to do? Ulquiorra was at the real world, but he had no idea what to do. At first he just walked around and looked at humans as they worked. However, he soon got bored when he realized he had to spend the entire day here.

"Hello! I'm Orihime, you look lost are you okay?" said an annoying female voice beside him. This is where Ulquiorra should have turned and ran out of the area as fast as he could, but no instead he looked at the female.

She had long orange hair, a pretty face, and she was wearing a high school uniform. But wait, how could she see him? He stared at her blankly, thinking she was actually talking to someone else, but she looked him straight in the eyes, meaning she saw him.

Filling in the silence she said, "Are you alone or did you bring your friends?" Deciding to answer he said, "I'm alone." She smiled and then said, "Want to hang out with me?"

Hang out? Did she want you both to go hang yourselves? Did he really look that suicidal? Frowning he said, "No."

She looked hurt but then she said, "Wait, why do you have a hole in your neck?" Ulquiorra nearly winced and then said, "Its nothing." Now, Orihime ignored his previous 'no' and said, "I know a good coffee shop, let's go have something to eat!"

Then she grabbed his hand and pulled him into a shop. When he sat down in a chair beside her he wondered why he had went with her. He had clearly said 'no'.

She brought two pieces of cake to the table and gave him one. He looked at the thing in front of him, how was he supposed to tell her he ate souls?

Deciding to experiment a bit he took a bite out of the cake. It was like he had just entered heaven and his mouth was on love.

He looked at the female in front of him with something other then a blank stare. She looked at him and smiled, and then he heard the worst thing he could hear right now.

"Hey Ulquiorra, what's your ugly ass doing eating cake with a human girl?" He almost dropped his spoon as he turned around and saw Grimmjow standing behind him.

"Well, answer me!" he yelled. Orihime looked at them confused and then said, "Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't know you were together, bye!"

Together? What did she mean by that? Him and Grimmjow? Oh hell no! Ulquiorra stood up and said to Grimmjow, "Trash, what do you want?"

Grimmjow just smirked and said, "So you thought you could sneak out to the human world to meet a girl?" Ulquiorra shook his head and said, "She forced me to come here."

He instantly regretted that and Grimmjow began to laugh. "You got ordered around by a girl? Wait until I tell everyone in Hueco Mundo!" he said between laughs.  
Deciding to end this Ulquiorra left the little coffee shop, but Grimmjow followed him. So, Ulquiorra walked down the streets silently while Grimmjow spewed crap about Ulquiorra and the girl from his ass.

Finally, it was evening and time to go back home. Grimmjow was still following him but just as they were going to enter the black crack in the sky to home Ulquiorra turned around and said, "If you say one word of this to anyone I will show everyone a picture of you sleeping with yarn."

Grimmjow stopped dead in his tracks and yelled, "How did you get that! You went in my room didn't you! You creep! What the hell is wrong with you?" Ulquiorra said nothing and walked inside the black crack.

Grimmjow never dared say anything about the Orihime incident, and Ulquiorra never dared lie again. And to think, this was all because of a stupid little pimple.


	2. oOo Grimmjow oOo The stalker oOo

Yes, Chapter 3! I hope everyone liked the Ulquiorra pimple incident! Now it's Grimmjow that is up on my chopping block of death!

Grimmjow Jeagerjack- The stalker

It was just a regular day in Hueco Mundo, everyone was training, on a mission, or just relaxing. However, one thing that was not normal, and that was the fact that Grimmjow was really quiet.

Not thinking quiet, but I'm-too-scared-to-talk quiet. He was hiding in the shadows, and that was something he never did, and his usual over confident strut was reduced to little shuffling.

What made Grimmjow like this? Simple, he had a stalker. But not just any stalker, a _gay _stalker. I have nothing against gays, but Grimmjow didn't like the idea of a male following him and taking pictures of him.

Now, it just so happens that Grimmjow also a not-so-secret secret. He liked to play with yarn, and he thought no one knew that. However, everyone did they just chose not to mention it to him because they knew he would try to kill them for it.

So, his male stalker had also known his secret and taken a picture of him playing with yarn. Then the stalker gave Grimmjow a copy of the picture, well more precisely left it under his pillow with a heart on it, and on the back of the picture it said, "I know your secret, meet me at midnight in the training room."

Grimmjow thought and thought about it, and in the end decided to see the guy.

The stalker, who from now on I will call stalky, was already there waiting for his true love, Grimmjow. Now stalky thought that Grimmjow was gay too, because he always hung out with Ulquiorra, who didn't like anyone.

That doesn't make Ulquiorra or Grimmjow gay, but in the mind of stalky it did. Grimmjow walked into the training room slowly and carefully, as if afraid someone was going to jump out at him.

When he saw stalky he straightened up at glared at him. Stalky emerged out of the shadows while wearing a mask and said, "Oh my love, you have come! I'm so glad to see you awake!"

Grimmjow twitched, _awake! _But that means... stalky saw him sleeping. Shuddering Grimmjow said, "What do you want."

Stalky gave Grimmjow a hidden smile and then said, "You, my love." Grimmjow scowled at stalky and then mumbled, "Don't friggen call me that."

Stalky just nodded and then said, "Yes, pookie." Grimmjow flinched and then said, "Just call me Grimmjow damit."

Stalky didn't reply but then said, "In return for me not showing anyone the picture of you and yarn I want you to sign my ass." Poor Grimmjow thought he just died, what kind of idiot would want him to sign his ass!

Twitching violently Grimmjow looked at stalky, at the door and then ran out of there. There was no way in hell he was going to sign anything, especially stalky's ass.

Grimmjow paced around his room, he needed a vacation. Yes! That's it! He would take a vacation! Grinning he got a suit case of things ready and then sat on his bed.

Now, where could he go? Not Japan because his arch rival was there and what would he think if he saw Grimmjow relaxing. No where cold would do, because he liked warmth.

So, he decided to go to the best warm place on earth, Hawaii! The only problem was that he needed to convince Aizen to let him go.

So, he marched into Aizen's throne room, where he saw Aizen asleep on his throne. Aizen let out a little snoring noise and Grimmjow wondered if Aizen would kill him if he woke him up.

Upon deciding a vacation was more important then his life right now Grimmjow opened his mouth and screamed, "Aizen!"

As a result Aizen woke up with a start and glared at the person who woke him up. When he saw it was Grimmjow he glared at him and said, "What do you want?"

Grimmjow tried not to look like he just crapped his pants and said, "Aizen, I want to go to the real world on a... *gulp* vacation..."

Aizen narrowed his eyes and said, "A vacation? You woke me up to ask me if you could have a vacation!"

Grimmjow chuckled and then in his usual I-don't-care tone of voice he said, "Yeah, whatever, don't get your panties in a bunch."

Aizen made a strange hissing noise and then yelled, "That's it! Go, go, leave Hueco Mundo and don't come back for a long long time!"

Grimmjow said nothing but just walked out of Aizen's throne room, where he could hear Aizen yelling at Gin to get him some tea.

When he was back at him room he did a weird little victory dance and then with a big grin on his face he walked out of his room and toward Szayel's room, he was the one who controlled the black crack thing that appeared in random places.

At Szayel's Lab

Szayel was doing his regular creepy experiments in his room when Grimmjow walked in.

Not looking at him Szayel said, "Why are you here? Did you finally get AIDS and you want a cure?"

Grimmjow scowled at him and then said, "I'm going on vacation, open the crack thing to Hawaii."

Szayel chuckled at him and said, "You? Get a vacation, that's insane, Aizen wouldn't do that."

Then before Grimmjow could argue Aizen, all the way back from the throne room, yelled, "GET GRIMMJOW OUT OF HERE!"

Grimmjow shrugged and then said, "See." Szayel just shook his head and opened the hole in the sky; he also gave Grimmjow a gigai so he could actually have a body.

At Hawaii...

Grimmjow stepped out on the warm Hawaiian beach and he felt like he was in heaven. Part of him just wanted to just stand there and drool, but the rational part told him to go get a hotel.

When he got inside he realized he had no money, but when he stuck his hands in his gigai pockets he found a ton of cash. Grinning he got himself a great room, and then went to the beach, to go swimming.

When he began swimming he decided he wanted to swim out to the giant waves far away. He wasn't suicidal; he just knew that if his gigai drowned he would be fine.

Soon enough he was way far out from the beach and he saw the first big wave. It was humongous, and for a second he thought it was a mistake.

However, he should have been using that second to swim the hell out of there. The wave hit him hard and he was deep underwater in seconds.

However, he suddenly found himself at the top of the wave and being held by some orange haired stranger. "Grimmjow, what the hell are you insane?" said the teen, who sounded extremely familiar.

Grimmjow looked at his face and then screamed, "You! What the hell are you doing here! You're supposed to be in Japan!"

Ichigo chuckled and then said, "I wanted to take a vacation." Grimmjow grumbled and then said, "Ya, well why don't you reschedule or something."

Ichigo then let go of Grimmjow and somehow they were standing on solid ground. Don't ask me how, they just were.

Straightening himself up Grimmjow glared at his arch enemy and then said, "Well, since you're here why don't we just kill each other so I can go back to my vacation."

Ichigo gave him a confused look and then said, "This is vacation, it doesn't count who your enemy back home was, here they are just regular people."

Grimmjow nodded and then said, "So why did you decide to take a vacation?" Ichigo thought for a moment and then said, "School, family, and well I'm tired of working all the time, you?"

Grimmjow just shrugged and then said, "I have a stalker." Ichigo looked at him confused, but then just shook his head and then said, "You espada can just vacations when ever you want?"

Grimmjow shook his head and then with a wide grin he said, "Aizen practically begged me to go."

Suddenly, out of no where a booming voice yelled, "I DID NOT YOU STUPID ****" Ichigo looked at the sky and then said, "Wow, I think Aizen is taking the whole god thing a little too seriously."

Then the booming voice yelled again, "I CAN HEAR YOU KUROSAKI!" Ichigo shut his mouth and Grimmjow just chuckled.

After saying goodbye Grimmjow walked back to his hotel, where he planned to watch TV and order a ton of room service. However, when he got there a masked figure was already in his room. Stalky the stalker had found him!

Grimmjow slammed the door shut and yelled, "What the hell are you doing here! Can't you seem I'm on vacation?"

Stalky replied with, "Without me my love?"

Grimmjow hissed and then said, "I. Told. You. Not. To. Call. Me. That." Stalky just shrugged and then said, "Sure thing, my love."

Screaming Grimmjow ran at the masked figure and ripped his mask off. "You? What the hell?" Grimmjow asked stalky, who was actually Luppi.

"So my love what do you want to do tonight? Snuggle?" Grimmjow face palmed and then said, "_We_ are not doing anything, _you_ are going back to Hueco Mundo."

Luppi frowned and then said, "Last chance before I put the picture of you and yarn everywhere." Then Grimmjow narrowed his eyes and said, "Go ahead! I don't care anymore, I would rather be embarrassed then gay!"

Luppi looked at him blankly and then said, "What? I'm not gay." Grimmjow sighed and then said, "Yes you are, only gays ask to get their ass signed."

Luppi laughed and then said, "The only reason I wanted to get my ass signed was that Nnoitra dared me." Grimmjow groaned, this was all for nothing, Aizen was going to kill him for waking him up, and it was all Luppi's fault.

Sighing Grimmjow sat down on the bed and said, "You are so dead." Then Luppi stood up and jumped out the window when Grimmjow raised his hand in a fist.

After he left Grimmjow chuckled, now he had the vacation all to himself and Luppi was not going to bother him for a very long time.


	3. oOo Szayel oOo The potion oOo

Chapter 4! Hehe I hope everyone likes Grimmjow's little vacation! Today it's Szayel's turn to have a crack filled little story.

Szayel Grantz- The potion

Once upon a time, there was a mad scientist by the name of Szayel Grantz. He worked for the psychopathic god named Aizen and he was the eighth person at his hand.

One day Szayel decided to try out a new experiment. So, he took a bunch of his random potions and put them together. He put in one green one, blue one, and yellow one.

Somehow the potion that resulted was white and Szayel deduced that it was safe to eat. After all poisonous+ poisonous+ poisonous= not poisonous. I don't know where he got this logic but hey, he's the scientist.

When it was done he decided to test it on two people, himself and Nnoitra. Nnoitra because he hated the bastard, and himself because he's just that special.

So he carefully snuck into the kitchen and into Nnoitra's cup he put in a tiny but of white potion. He also put some into his own cup and then he snuck out back to his lab quietly.

When Aizen finally announced it was time for the meeting he was very excited. After all, he still didn't know the effects of the potion. Maybe, just maybe if he had read the labels on the potions he would have figured it out.

The green potion's name was TRU, the blue ones was ELO, and the yellow ones was VE. Now let's see, TRU+ ELO+VE= well, I will leave that for you to figure out.

As Aizen babbled on about whatever gods like to babble on about Szayel to a sip of his tea and watched Nnoitra to the same.

The effect was horrendous, the instant the potion was swallowed by Nnoitra he looked at Szayel and screamed, "TRUE LOVE!" Szayel spit the potion out in shock, thus not becoming affected by the potion.

Aizen watched in surprise as Nnoitra jumped up from his seat and made a very gay looking dive at Szayel, who looked like he had just crapped his pants.

Thinking fast Szayel jumped out of the way and booked it out of the room. Nnoitra ran after him while screaming 'I love you' at the top of his lungs. Szayel turned down another hallway and nearly had a heart attack when Nnoitra jumped over him and then stood in front of him.

Then Nnoitra grabbed Szayel and gave him a rough kiss on the lips. Szayel on the other hand just had a little part of him die, poor poor non gay Szayel.

Then Nnoitra gave Szayel a big hug and then said, "Wanna go make love yet?" Szayel chuckled nervously and then said, "Nnoitra, snap out of this! It's the affect of the potion, you are not in love with me and I hate you."

Nnoitra's face dropped and then like a little eight year old girl he stood still, looked up and began scream crying.

Crying is just tears going from your eyes, and screaming is just random noise coming from your mouth but scream crying is when tears shoot out of your mouth at the person standing in front of you.

Wait, that can't be right. Stupid Wikipedia, never trust what it says on there... Anyway, Nnoitra began crying loudly in front of Szayel, who just began to back away slowly.

One Week Later...

It had been a week since that very awkward incident, and no one spoke of it again. Also, the effects of the potion of Nnoitra seemed to wear off, which was a good thing.

However, the only thing that had not come back to normal was that someone kept creeping into Szayel's lab and messing things up. Well, by messing thing up I mean that someone ran in there and drew giant pink hearts all over the place. Creepy.

At first Szayel thought it was Nnoitra, but that could not be possible considering that when Nnoitra's blood was checked there was no trace of the potion.

Now Szayel had no idea who in the world it could be, but he didn't really mind as long as the person doing this was a girl. I don't care if in almost every other Szayel story I have read he is gay, in this one he is straight and a _guy_.

Anyway, once again at was evening and it was time for Szayel to go to sleep. However, today he had a trap set out for his heart drawer.

In the middle of the night...

_Boooooom _"Ahhhhhhhhh WHAT THE HELL!" Szayel jumped out of his bed quickly, the undeniable screaming had to be from his target.

Running over to his lab as quickly as possible Szayel was quite horrified to see Grimmjow hanging upside-down from the trap and swearing loudly. "You? You're the one who's been drawing on my walls?"

Szayel said in disgust. Grimmjow frowned and then said, "Hell no, I was asleep and then I got here, what the hell did you do to me?" Szayel scoffed and then said, "I did nothing you stupid sleep walker."

Then Szayel released Grimmjow from the trap and he left without a word. Sighing loudly Szayel made his way back to his room to sleep.

The next morning Szayel was grumpy so he decided not to open his eyes and lay in bed. This seems like a good idea for anyone who wakes up grumpy, but not today.

If Szayel had opened his eyes he would have seen the eye patched, tall, black haired person sitting on his bed watching him.

Finally, Szayel sighed and opened his eyes to look around his room but then his poor eyes nearly popped out of his eyes when he saw a eye patched, long black haired, tall, spoony, _female_ in front of him. Yes, read that over, female.

She looked just like Nnoitra but her smile was not as creepy and she had, well girl parts. Szayel rubbed his eyes in disbelief and he heard her giggle happily.

When he finally realized she was definitely real Szayel said, "Who are you?" She gave him a wide smile and then said, "I'm Nnoitrete, Nnoitra's girl half." Szayel furrowed his brows and then said, "Girl part? What?"

She laughed some more and then said, "How can you not know? You're silly! The potion you gave Nnoitra made him split into two, me and him. Well, actually the potion you intended to make was going to make Nnoitra fall in love with you, but what you didn't know was that Gin put come crack into Nnoitra's cup and I guess they reacted and made me."

Szayel looked a bit confused for a second and then he said, "So... you're the one who drew hearts all over my lab?" She nodded happily and then jumped off the bed.

After that Szayel and Nnoitrete spent the entire day together and got to know each other pretty well. Maybe sneaking the potion into Nnoitra's tea had been a good idea after all, Szayel really liked Nnoitrete.

That night all was quiet, deathly quiet in fact. So quiet you could hear your own heartbeat. So quiet that if a speck of dust fell it would make a horrible thundering noise.

So quiet- well actually I think you get the point. In this silence a dark figure snuck around with a thong. Yes, a thong. It made its way to Szayel's bed and slowly got the bed covers off him.

Then the figure made an evil smirk that could be seen clearly in the darkness. After making sure Szayel was definitely asleep the figure, also known as Nnoitrete, gently put the thong on Szayel's face and then left.

The next morning Szayel woke up, happy to go see Nnoitrete, but then horrified when he saw a thong on his face. It was a dirty one too, and Szayel let out a blood curdling, horrified, completely shocked, long, very very loud scream.

It was so loud that it woke up Aizen, who wasn't very happy about that. Around the same time Nnoitra got up and went to the bathroom. When he was about to throw his shirt into the laundry hamper he was shocked to see his thong was gone.

But how? He swore he had put it in there the day before, and it was his favourite thong too. Nnoitra let out an unhappy sigh, now what was he supposed to wear, underwear?

Nnoitrete walked around the real world happily, after her evil thong deed she had snuck into Szayel's lab to open the black crack thingy to earth. Now nothing could stop her from reeking havoc on earth.

Muwahahaaha, beware mortals; there is an evil Nnoitra look alike on the loose. If seen do not approach, but back away slowly and call the police! Actually, screw that just scream bloody murder and run.


	4. oOo Mayuri oOo The cell oOo

:P Chapter 5! Haha this time it's...

Kurotsuchi Mayuri- The creepy cell thing

As usual Mayuri was in his lab, doing the weird stuff scientists do. His lab was just like how it was supposed to be, well minus the heart shaped picture of Urahara.

However, there was another thing wrong with Mayuri's lab and it was actually a pretty big thing. He being the retard he is, decided that he wanted to create the biggest one celled organism in the world.

In science we usually learn that the largest one celled organisms can barely be seen by the human eye, but not in this case. The night before Mayuri had gotten as many cells as he could, and he shocked them all together.

As a result all the nuclei and stuff merged together to form one huge cell. Mayuri had been extremely happy with his creation and he then gave it one huge shock to bring it to life. The result was just oh so disgusting and just plain strange. Mayuri's one celled creation blew up and spread all over the lab.

Disgusted Mayuri left the lab for the night, but he really should not have. If you make a mess you should clean it up right away or it will try to eat you. Well, something along those lines anyway.

Anyway, Mayuri was in his lab that morning and he was surprised to see that the mess he had created the day before was gone. He shrugged it off and guessed that Nemu had done it the day before.

No, bad scientist, never ever guess. Well, he probably learned this after this incident, but I digress. So the day went on normally, and Mayuri began some new research that had to do with regeneration in hollows.

By mid after noon Byakuya walked into Mayuri's lab looking very pissed. It might have had something to do with the bandage on his head, which totally messed up his perfect hair.

Mayuri ignored him completely until Byakuya gave him one of his super awesome Uchiha-like evil glares. Sighing Mayuri stepped away from his research and looked over Byakuya coolly.

"What brings you here?" he asked absently, not really caring. Byakuya narrowed his eyes and then said, "Your experiment attacked by house and ate my hair."

For a second Mayuri's face split into a grin but then he calmed himself and said, "Why do you assume it was my experiment?" Byakuya scoffed and then said, "You are the only one stupid enough to create a pink living glob."

Mayuri glared at him and then said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I did not create a pink living g-" He stopped when he remembered the large one celled thing he had made the day before.

"Nemu, did you clean the lab up yesterday?" She walked past Byakuya, who looked rather pissed for being ignored, and said, "No Mayuri-sama."

Mayuri frowned and then walked clumsily to his all knowing computer and on google he searched 'pink living glob'. Just kidding.

He actually searched up the probability of his one celled organism being alive and being able to cause damage. Configuring...Probability= 99.99999%. Shaking his head Mayuri walked out of the room and when he was at the door he said, "Nemu, get something to destroy the problem."

Mayuri walked outside to get some fresh air and to clear his head. When he got outside he closed his eyes and let out a very deep breath.

However, when he opened his eyes while he was inhaling he nearly choked to death when he saw giant pink globs all over the place. He looked at the scene in shock but then twitched when one of the globs jumped on him and began eating his clothing.

After looking at it for a moment he chuckled and tried to get it off him. But no matter how hard he pulled at the glob it stuck to his hand like that nasty construction glue.

Trying not to freak out he drew his funky looking zanpacto and stabbed the blob with it. At first nothing happened but then the blob partially detached itself and let out a horrible shrieking noise.

All of a sudden a ton of other pink blobs attached themselves on Mayuri and also began letting out shrieking noises. More and more of them were coming at him and Mayuri seriously regretted trying this experiment in the first place.

Meanwhile, back at the lab Nemu got a spray that could kill the pink blobs. While waiting Byakuya looked on the computer screen which now read 'Probability of blobs being able to kill- 1000000%' Byakuya was very temped to mutter 'damn that's screwed up.'

Nemu walked out of the room to go look for Mayuri, who had been gone for quite a while. When she walked outside she was very surprised to see a giant pink blob with Mayuri inside.

He made a muffled scream for help and the immediately sprayed her anti-blob spray. They instantly popped and turned into soap bubbles. Yes, soap bubbles.

When the soap bubbles finally flew away Nemu tried not to laugh at Mayuri when she saw him. By the way, she had learned to laugh from Uryuu, the little creep.

Mayuri did not have a single hair on his body, not even on his head and most of his clothing was eaten. Also, his skin was all green, making him look like a freakish alien. Nemu then quickly got a towel and gave it to Mayuri, who looked sooooo pissed.

That evening Mayuri sent Nemu outside because he was getting tired of hearing her try to hide her giggles, which she should be incapable of doing in the first place. Cursing Uryuu quietly, Mayuri got up and looked in the mirror.

He sighed, after all that trouble of growing his hair out and dying it purple he was bald. Now he needed a wig, but what was he going to do about his bright green skin?

He closed his eyes, yawned, and then turned off the light. When he opened his eyes he was confused to see the light was still on. Wait, but he turned it off. He looked down on himself and frowned.

He was glowing. That made him like a glow in the dark bracelet. Damn that stupid pink blob. This was just such a pain in the ass. He would definitely never guess again, or make large single celled organisms for that matter.

Grumbling he got himself one of those night eye cover things and went to bed. He slipped the night thing on and he almost swore when he realized his eyes glowed too. He groaned and got up.

Then he walked to his bathroom and took out a needle with sleeping chemicals in it. When he sat down on his bed again he injected himself with the needle and instantly fell asleep.

The next day Mayuri woke up and began thinking of how he was going to live his life glowing in the dark, but then he nearly had a heart attack when he saw he was no longer green but _purple_.

Then he reacted in the same way we all probably would and fainted. Some time later Mayuri woke up again and cautiously looked at himself, only to faint again when he saw he didn't have a colour, he was invisible.

But not completely invisible, only his skin was unseen, meaning you could see all his blood vessels and organs quite easily.

By now it was evening and Mayuri woke up. Steeling his resolve that he would not faint he looked at himself. He saw he was a light pink colour, his regular skin colour.

Getting up cautiously he checked to see if this was real or not. When he was completely certain he was back to normal he got dressed and went to his lab, his squad was waiting for him.

When he walked in confidently he received many stares, but he was used to that because of his outrageous outfit. The first thing he did was get his people to synthesize him new hair and transplant it on immediately. When that was all done he sat down by his computer and let out a relaxed sigh.

Finally, everything was back to normal. Then he got Byakuya some new hair and after he got his hair transplant for his bald spot he decided to get back to his research. However, when he began to type into his computer he looked down on his hands and then freaked.

Where was it? His... his... precious! Where on earth was his super long black middle finger nail! Mayuri got up from his chair and into the air he painfully screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!


	5. oOo Gin oOo The glasses oOo

*Shell-shocked* Woah, I just read a really bloody scene in Higurashi, and I am rather disturbed, and confused, but that doesn't matter... here is Chapter 6! P.S. you can read this in any order you want, it doesn't matter what chapter you read first.

Ichimaru Gin- The glasses

Do you ever wonder why Gin slits his eyes? Well, I did but since I couldn't find a straight answer I decided to make one. What actually happed was that a very long time ago, Gin had a very nasty accident involving a certain very famous pair of glasses.

Like any other day Gin was sneaking around Seiretei, yes this was before the whole Las Noches thing. He was trying to find a nice place to hide from Aizen, who was obsessed with making him work.

Today he needed to find a very, _very _good place because when Aizen had found his old spot he made him work all through the night with no breaks. (Actually work, nothing dirty you perverts)

Sure Aizen was his favourite captain but he really wished that he wouldn't give so much work. Half of the time Gin thought that Aizen made extra work just to make him suffer.

Gin's smile widened when he saw a very interesting looking stair case that led underground. He looked around with his open and very wide eyes happily. This place was perfect!

There was only one way in the room, it was deep underground, it was dark, and it was just so far away from his squad barracks. Deciding to get comfortable Gin found himself a nice place so sit and did so.

He was going to spend the entire day here, and he had nothing to entertain himself. In his old hiding spot he had creepy magazines, posters, and a ton of food.

But this place was good too; it had... slime on the walls and what looked like a dead rat in the corner. Yup, this place was _muuuch_ better.

If Gin had been stronger then Aizen he would have flipped out and swore at him a long time ago, but no he liked his life and he knew just how powerful Aizen was. That's why he was always grinning when he was around him.

Later...

He was dying of boredom; he left like he had been here forever. The silence was killing him and he felt like getting up and screaming. The only thing keeping him from doing that was the fact that he did not want Aizen to find him.

He looked at his watch and nearly began to cry when he saw it had only been five minutes, and he still had ten hours to go. His work day lasted a long painful ten hours; it started at 6:00am and ended at 4:00pm.

Sighing Gin got up and got a better look around the room. Everything looked like a normal room, but there was one thing out of place. All of the other walls were covered in grey slime but on one wall there was a clear rectangular non slime infested part.

Seeing as he had nothing better to do Gin walked over to the wall and pushed it. Who knows, this might be one of those secret doors that lead to Barbie land. Oh dear I hope not, that would totally wreck this little story.

Anyway, Gin pushed the wall and he expected it to budge slightly, but instead it slid to the side so quickly that he lost balance and fell.

When he stumbled up Gin found himself at the door to a very, very large room. It was very clean and the walls were pure white. The flood didn't have a single scratch on it, and it looked brand new.

The room was also empty, but there was a glass statue in the middle. Gin walked over to it cautiously and looked at it. It was the statue of some very beautiful woman and in her outstretched glass hand she held something Gin never expected to see here.

It held... "Gin what are you doing here?" said a male voice behind him. Gin snapped his eyes off the statue in front of him and turned to look behind him.

Aizen was standing behind him and he did not look happy. "Hey taicho, how are you?" Gin said cheerfully.

Aizen shook his head and said, "Gin, how did you get inside my closet?" Gin looked stunned for a moment and then said, "This is your closet? Woah, its huge taicho but where are all your clothes?"

Aizen sighed and then pointed to the door behind him, which led to a long tunnel, which led to a cave, which led to another long tunnel, which led to Aizen's room. Needless to say, Aizen made sure to hide his closet very well. Why? Simple, what is his most precious possession? His glasses.

Gin turned to face the statue again, where lie Aizen's glasses. He looked at Aizen, the glasses, and then Aizen again.

Thinking fast he grabbed the glasses and then said, "Taicho, if you punish me in any way for sneaking out of work I will break your glasses!" For a second Aizen looked rather shocked but then he said, "You wouldn't because the second you snap them in half I will chop your head off."

Gin frowned and then said, "Are you really prepared for your glasses to die?" Aizen gave him one of his really creepy evil big lipped bastard smiled and then said, "Give me the glasses or Rangiku dies."

Gin's eyes widened and then he said, "All right, you get your glasses, but let me try them on first. I want to see what it feels like to be Aizen the evil creeper." Aizen was going to stop him, he really was.

Actually, no he wasn't, but anyway Gin put on the glasses and then...

_Sliiiiirrrrppppp_

"AAAAAHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Aizen shook his head as he watched Gin pull the glasses off his eyes and then scream bloody murder. When Aizen had the glasses made by Szayel he had made sure to make the glasses be able to 'defend' themselves in case they were stolen.

The defence was that if someone other then Aizen put them on the illusion that their eyes were getting sucked out would be cast. That had happened to Gin meaning that his eyes were still there, but he thought they weren't.

"Aizen, Aizen, Aizen help me! MY EYES!" Aizen sighed and then said, "Don't worry Gin, your eyes are still there, just give me the glasses." With his eyes closed Gin handed Aizen the glasses.

Then he turned to look at Aizen, but now his eyes were slitted. Then Aizen began leaving the room and Gin followed after him, slitted eyes and all.

And that is the story of how the tortoise got its shell. Wait no, I mean how the creeper got his creepy eyes.

Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!


	6. oOo Aizen oOo The gel oOo

Sorry about the short chapter... But I promise that the next one will be better! Rate and Review!

Aizen Sosuke- The gel

Today had to be perfect. Perfectly perfect.

He didn't know what he would do if even one little thing would go wrong. He had rehearsed his speech many times now and he was sure that he wouldn't forget any of it.

Aizen also knew that his subordinates would not mess up. He had made it perfectly clear that he would make their lives hell if they did.

Looking in the mirror again Aizen put on his glasses and looked at himself. He looked so strange with his glasses on. So kind and caring, it sickened him.

Today he would set the record straight. He was definitely NOT dead and he was NOT a goody goody captain that cared about everyone.

His first task was to kill Hinamori, which he was not really looking forward to. The only reason he was killing her was to show everyone just how evil he was, and it

was part of his super awesome genius plan.

Adjusting his hair, Aizen walked out of the bathroom and walked toward the building where the Central 46 used to reside.

Gin was supposed to bring Hinamori there and Aizen put on his best I'm-not-evil

look. She arrived soon after and when she saw him she was completely shocked.

He hoped that everyone else would react the same way, minus the crying of course. When she hugged him he plunged his sword into her and he glared at her.

When she fell to the ground and Toshiro arrived he did the first part of his 'I'm alive and evil' speech. Then he and Gin left soon after the medical captain arrived. He remembered her name but he chose not to mention it because of her un-importance in the whole series.

Some time later...

Aizen looked around him. He had the precious little marble that had been inside Rukia and he was definitely pleased with it.

This was by far the most prized possession he how had, it had even more worth then his gel. No, his gel was everything to him. Not even a hundred marbles like this one could replace his gel.

As he finished up his perfect speech he saw the sky rip open and his Menos came in to get him to Hueco Mundo.

Just as he was about to leave was the most important moment in his life. He had to break his glasses and pull his hair back. Well, this would be easy for anyone else but Aizen's hair had a mind of its own.

It refused to comb back perfectly. There was always something sticking out, but he wanted one little lock of hair to remain in the front to give him that evil bastard look. Nothing more, nothing less.

So, using shunpo he had to pull out his gel, apply it, hide it again and then say his goodbyes to the Ryoka boy while making sure no one saw the gel.

He had practiced it many times before, but this was the one that had to count. Then he pulled his glasses of his face, snapped them in half, threw them on the ground and then began the shunpo part.

He was able to get the gel on his hand and over his hair, but one of his fingers touched the lock of hair that was supposed to be in front, making it covered in gel.

It stayed in the front, but it was way thinner and oilier then it had to be. Trying not to panic he said the last part of his speech and he saw the hole in the sky close under him.

The second he was on solid ground Aizen grabbed that one little lock or hair and carefully got the gel off of it. But it was too late! Too late!

Now his perfect day was ruined! What if someone saw the gel! The rumours would be horrible. Freaking like the beauty queen he was Aizen ran inside Los Noches to have tea. It always seemed to cheer him up.

Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!


	7. oOo Byakuya oOo The bowling ball oOo

Chapter 7! Hehe Time for our favourite, or not so favourite, little pain in the ass...

Byakuya Kuchiki- The bowling ball

Renji grinned as he got his parcel from the messenger. He had been waiting for it for what seemed like forever and he was very excited to open it and begin to play with it.

He closed the door and went to go sit on his couch. Oh, how exciting this was! Then he got some scissors from the kitchen and began slowly cutting away at the wrapping. It came off very easily and for a few minutes Renji stared in awe at his precious. It was a perfectly polished silver bowling ball.

At Byakuya's place...

Byakuya woke up at exactly 6:00am. He did every day and he knew he had to keep doing so because he was just that perfect. Then he got dressed perfectly and made sure that every single hair on his head was where it was supposed to be.

With that done he walked out of his room and toward his office. He always ate breakfast there, right before Renji arrived. He narrowed his eyes slightly; Renji still thought that Byakuya didn't eat, the dumb ass.

Speaking of said dumb ass, where was he? Byakuya knew that at this time Renji was usually at the training room, but he wasn't. This was not good, everything had to be perfect. Composing himself, Byakuya began walking into the direction of Renji's spiritual pressure.

Back at Renji's...

It was so perfect that perfect could no longer describe it. The bowling ball shined in the light and Renji could tell he was drooling slightly.

He reached for the bowling ball carefully, but then stopped. He had to savour this moment so instead he got some gloves and put them on. He had to keep the bowling ball as clean as he could because his bowling ball polishing machine had not yet arrived in the mail.

But wait, why did Renji have a bowling ball in the first place? Simple, he figured that the perfect use for the long hallways in the sixth squad barracks was bowling.

However, he did not stop to think what his Taicho would think or what he would use for bowling pins. But most importantly, he did not know what bowling was. Insert face palm here.

In his demented red head he thought bowling was where you threw a bowl and then threw the bowling ball at the flying bowl to try and hit it. Where he got this I don't know, probably Wikipedia.

So, he picked the bowling ball up and admired it for a moment before deciding to try it out. He walked over to his kitchen, took a small bowl and then walked into the main hallway.

Coincidently, Byakuya was walking down the same hallway toward Renji.

Where Byakuya was...

Everything was normal; the hallway was clear and quiet. And as usual a bowl flew at his head. Wait, what?

Byakuya jumped out of the bowls path and then turned to glare at the person who dared throw the bowl but then instead got smacked on the head with a bowling ball.

Byakuya gracefully fell to the ground with a thud and the bowling ball was beside him. Renji gasped in horror when he saw blood began to seep from his favourite captains head.

He rushed over to him and felt his pulse. Good, he was alive. Then Renji began to shake Byakuya to wake him up but he didn't. For a second Renji freaked out but then realized he had to take Byakuya to the medics.

But what would he say? 'Oh yeah, I threw a bowling ball at him' or 'It wasn't my fault he chose to walk in front of the bowling ball.' No, he couldn't take Byakuya to the medics.

So, he looked around to make sure no one saw him and then dragged him into his room. When inside Renji took a towel and cleaned up the mess out in the hallway. After that he immediately began tending to Byakuya's injury.

When Byakuya woke up...

His head hurt, but he didn't know why that was so. He was perfect, he was not supposed to get head aches. Byakuya opened his eyes and found that he was looking into the worried eyes of his subordinate.

Then it all came back, he had been looking for Renji when he threw the bowling ball at him. Byakuya glared at Renji when he grinned and gave him a choking hug.

When Renji finally realized he was choking his captain, Byakuya was already more pissed then hell itself. Renji cautiously stood up and backed away a couple of steps.

Byakuya gave him a hateful glare but then something completely and utterly horrendous happened. Byakuya got up from the couch he had been lying on and got a head rush.

This would have been ok, but his head injury amplified the head rush by ten times. As a result Byakuya became dizzy and fell, hard. Renji rushed over to Byakuya and said, "Taicho! Taicho, what's wrong!"

At first Byakuya was quiet but then in a high pitched voice he said, "Slave, get me McDonalds!"

Later...

This was horrible, no this was horrendous. No, this was the worst thing to happen to the world in all history!

Renji didn't know what had happened to Byakuya's brain the second time he fell, but it was not good. For the last half an hour Byakuya had been calling him 'slave' and had been asking for some weird thing called 'McDonalds'.

Renji had no clue what McDonalds was but he knew he had to get some. The first thing Renji did was lock his captain in his closet, which was surprisingly simple.

All he had to do was say 'There's McDonalds in there!' and Byakuya ran in. Renji hoped that Byakuya forgot how to get out of closets and ran toward the twelfth squad lab. Mayuri would know what McDonalds was for sure.

When he got here Mayuri was busy as usual, but after Renji screamed that Byakuya was insane at the top of his lungs Mayuri ran out of his chair and over to him.

Renji then explained everything that happened slowly. After that Mayuri was silent for a moment and then said that the only cure for this 'disease' was to get Byakuya the McDonalds.

Then Mayuri told Renji that McDonalds was at the living world, and he also said that he should take Byakuya with him. Renji questioned nothing and quickly got Byakuya, who was on the verge of tears after finding out that there was no McDonalds in the closet.

When Renji and Byakuya were on earth Mayuri shook his head. There was little chance they would see Renji or Byakuya in Soul Society again. Byakuya had McDonaldsitis and it was a horrible disease that made the victim want to eat McDonalds, but then when all the fat got to their brain it made the victim want to eat anything and everything.

In short, Renji was going to get eaten by cannibal Byakuya. Poor, poor Renji. But then again, it was his fault in the first place.

On Earth...

Renji and Byakuya walked through the town silently. Byakuya had gone completely mute when he had seen the sign that said 'McDonalds 3 miles.'

Renji of course was not complaining, but he was worried about his captain. When they finally got to McDonalds Renji realized that it was an unhealthy fast food restaurant.

He shuddered when he saw a group of overweight people walk out of there and wondered why Byakuya would want to eat at such a place. Byakuya walked in quickly, took out some money and then announced to everyone in the area that he was going to have one of everything on the menu.

Then he gave the money to the cashier and sat down, waiting for his food. Renji slowly sat beside him but then regretted that when he saw the creepy grin on his captain's face.

After a long pause the food arrived on a table with wheels. The second the food was on their table Byakuya began munching away as fast as he could. If you looked at him from the side you might have mistaken him for a giant black dog with clothes on.

Renji watched the scene quietly, the sooner this was over his captain would go back to normal and they could forget this. Within the minute all the food on the table was gone and Byakuya leaned into his seat with a content sigh.

Renji gave his captain a small smile, and Byakuya did the same but his 'small smile' was a creepy show of all his teeth. Renji twitched and then Byakuya began giggling quietly while looking at Renji with piercing eyes and drooling mouth.

Then the giggling turned into freakish cackling and Renji was seriously creeped out. Byakuya paused and then said, "Slave, come sit closer to me."

Renji contemplated whether or not to do this, but then because of his duty as a shinigami did as he was told. Big mistake, big, big, big mistake. And I mean seriously, _big_ mistake.

The second Renji's poor ass hit the seat beside Byakuya he felt himself being grabbed and pulled sharply. Then before he could react Byakuya had Renji's head on the table and he was stabbing it with a fork.

Renji said nothing for a while but then when Byakuya picked his head off the table to bite his head he said, "Taicho, what the hell are you doing?" Byakuya was quiet for a moment and then in an overly snotty voice he said, "Slave, be quiet I am busy eating you."

Renji twitched, this was not good. Then as Renji was going to break out of his captain's grasp Byakuya tightened his grasp on his head and ran out the door, while still holding Renji's head.

After quite a while of running Byakuya stopped and threw Renji to the ground. Renji rubbed his head and looked around, only to see that he was in the middle of the forest and Byakuya was gathering sticks.

Renji didn't mind, better he collect sticks then try to eat him. By the time Renji stood up Byakuya had a huge pile of sticks and from somewhere he had managed to get a cauldron, rope, and spices.

Renji was still quite confused after all the events that had happened in the past hour so he did not realize what all of that meant and he said, "Hey Taicho, what are you cooking? I don't see any meat around here..."

That's when Byakuya looked up at him sharply and grabbed the rope. Renji just stood there, all confused looking when suddenly Byakuya jumped on him and tied him up.

Then waaaaaay faster then Renji could say 'what the *beep*' Byakuya threw him in the cauldron, finished making the fire and threw a bunch of spices on Renji.

Then when Renji did say 'what the *beep*' Byakuya got water and poured it into the cauldron. Renji began to struggle and scream at his captain, who was now dancing in circles around the cauldron.

Finally Renji threw his head back and at the top of his lungs he screamed 'HEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPP'. Immediately Byakuya rushed over to him, and stuffed an apple he randomly had in Renji's mouth.

However, the damage was done and a few minutes later shinigami ran in from all sides and surrounded crazy Byakuya and half cooked Renji.

Mayuri stepped in front of all the other shinigami and he said, "Byakuya its over, I have found a cure for McDonalsitis." Then he took out a shot and ran at Byakuya, who screeched and began trying to run into the forest.

Meanwhile, medic shinigami got Renji out of the cauldron and began to try and revive him. Byakuya was stopped quickly by other shinigami and from behind Mayuri came and injected the shot into him.

1 week later...

"Taicho, you're awake!" Renji said happily when he saw Byakuya open his eyes slowly. "Renji? Where am I, what happened?" was the calm reply.

Then Renji told Byakuya the story of how he hit Byakuya in the head with a bowling ball, how Byakuya got McDonaldsitis, and how he tried to cook him.

When he was done Byakuya looked calm and he was very quiet for a few minutes. Then he finally said, "Well then, you can make it up to me by getting me some more McDonalds."

Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!


	8. oOo Tosen oOo The monster oOo

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They made me very happy and I hope this chapter and the others after it can be a good token of thanks. Note: There are four chapters left, including this one.

Tosen- The monster

It was just another regular, calm day at Hueco Mundo and everyone was happy with the way things were going until...

"Tosen! Gin! Get in here now!" the booming voice of Aizen screamed across the large castle that was Las Noches.

Tosen and Gin ran to Aizen's throne room as fast as possible because they could hear the urgency in his voice.

When they got there they were greeted with the sight of Aizen gripping an empty cup with something akin to anger and desperation on his face.

They didn't ask, in the many years they had known Aizen they knew exactly what that look meant.

Hueco Mundo was officially out of tea.

Aizen got up from his throne and said, "As you can see, my cup is empty and its not supposed to be empty so, I need you two to get me tea as soon as possible!"

Gin and Tosen nodded and Aizen continued with, "You will go to the real world and get me some White Tea, but only you Tosen because last time I sent Gin he got me..." Aizen shuddered before saying, "Coffee, I couldn't sleep for a week!"

Tosen bowed and left the room quickly, he wanted to get that tea as soon as possible because he was rather uncomfortable going to the real world.

There they had horrible monsters called... cats.

On Earth...

All the cats in Japan sneezed suddenly. Someone was thinking about them, they hoped it was nice things, but sadly they were not.

A few moments later, a hope ripped through the sky and out came Tosen. He looked around to make sure there were no cats around and then he made his descent down to the ground.

After that Tosen began briskly walking down the alleyway and to a large store. There must be tea there.

The twenty minutes that passed after that were completely and utterly boring because all Tosen did was walk into the store, buy some White Tea and leave.

However, the twenty-first minute was shockingly exciting because as Tosen was walking down the alleyway he had first come down he saw a rat.

Sure it's not that scary, but where there are rats, there are cats. Haha, that rhymes.

Tosen stopped and watched the rat with a glare, it better not have any cats hunting it.

Once again, the next twenty minutes that followed that were boring because all Tosen did was stare at that one poor, rather innocent, but still ugly looking rat.

Then as the timer was about to get to twenty one minutes a cat turned down the alley and began walking in the direction of Tosen.

Three things happened at once; the rat freaked out and in search of safety jumped on Tosen, the cat saw the rat and ran after it, and Tosen saw the cat and began running down the alley.

So now we have a rat being chased by a cat, but the rat is on Tosen so he thinks that the cat is running at him.

This gets better and better every twenty minute interval.

With Aizen and Gin...

"It's been forty two minutes already, where is Tosen and my tea?" Aizen bitched as he waited for Tosen.

Gin just stood beside him and grinned; he was a genius, a true evil genius.

The week before, Gin had found out that Tosen was deathly afraid of cats so he made a mechanical rat, which he planned to use to scare Tosen.

His plan was to make the mechanical rat jump on Tosen when he was near a cat so that the cat would chase that rat but Tosen would think that the cat was chasing him.

"Excuse me Aizen-sama, I have something very important to do," Gin said and when Aizen let him go he walked into his room, took out a remote control with a screen and looked in it.

The image was jumping up and down but Gin could see that his rat was sitting on Tosen while getting chased by a cat.

Of course his plan would have been easier to execute if he had made a mechanical cat, but oh well, maybe Gin was too lazy.

Then Gin's grin got even wider as he pressed a very bit button with the words 'Meat scent' on it.

With Tosen...

He was running down that surprisingly long alley that just did not seem to end when suddenly he felt something wet dripping down his back.

Tosen didn't stop to figure out what it was because he still had that 'evil' and 'crazy' cat chasing him but he had a feeling that the liquid on his was meaty because he smelled like beef.

Then Tosen's eyes widened, although it was rather useless because he couldn't see, when he remembered that cats liked meat.

Tosen's running speed increased tenfold but then he stopped when he saw that he was finally at the end of the alley.

Finally, that alley was just too long for my liking. Tosen cautiously turned around expecting to see that one cat, but instead he saw a whole army of cats.

There were black cats, brown cats, white cats, orange cats, and even one purple cat that had been in a horrible accident involving purple paint.

They all looked at him hungrily and briefly Tosen wondered if the alley had lead to hell.

Then a thought hit him, he was Tosen, the third strongest person in Las Noches and he could not let a bunch of stupid cats scare him.

So, he quickly drew his zanpacto and prepared for battle with the cats. Wow, this is such crack isn't it?

Suddenly, all the cats burst and all around him there were shinigami.

At the front of them was Urahara and he happily said, "See, I told you it would work! We have him cornered now don't we?"

Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Toshiro, and all the others agreed with him before drawing their weapons.

Their plan was to capture Tosen by temporarily turning into cats, cornering him, and then defeating him in battle.

However, there was one thing they had miscalculated. They had not been expecting Tosen to smell like meat.

Why was this a problem? Simple, the smell could attract _real_ cats.

With Gin...

Gin was watching the screen anxiously; he had been so shocked when all the cats that had been chasing turned into shinigami.

He was indeed so worried for his friend Tosen that he didn't notice when Aizen walked into his room and looked over his shoulder.

"Gin, what is this, and why is Tosen surrounded by shinigami?" Aizen whispered into Gin's ear, causing him to freak out and run out of the room like he was on crack.

Aizen just shrugged and to himself he said, "Oh well, now I get more space."

With Tosen...

Tosen had no idea what to do now, he was surrounded by his enemy and there was no where to run.

So just as Tosen was about to sigh and admit surrender the most horrible thing that could possible happen at a time like this happened.

Out of no where ten cats ran and jumped on Tosen with the strength of ten angry tigers. They clawed him without mercy and when poor Tosen was almost clothe less they jumped off him and ran away.

This left Tosen scratched up, almost naked, and bleeding, standing in front of a group of bewildered shinigami.

Then his brain kicked in and Tosen took this chance to run past the shinigami and back down that horribly long alley.

A few minutes after he ran past them, the shinigami realized that their target was gone and they also began running back down the alley.

With Aizen...

Aizen sighed and walked out of Gin's room. If he didn't go and help Tosen right now then that one little piece of cloth that was barely hanging between Tosen's legs would fall off.

See, Aizen does have a heart, somewhere very deep down but if you asked him he would deny it to his grave.

Then Aizen made a hole in the sky appear right where Tosen was running and that made Tosen run right through the hole and back into Las Noches.

When Tosen realized that he was back in safety he let out a happy sigh but then gasped when that one little bit of clock that was between his legs fell.

Aizen just stood there, looked at Tosen, sighed and then walked away. Oh how he hated being surrounded by idiots.

A few seconds after Aizen left Gin peeked over the corner with a nervous smile on his face but then grinned when he saw Tosen naked.

"Come on Tosen, I can help you get some clothes in my room," Gin said mischievously and led Tosen to his room to 'help' him.

Haha, there we go, nothing like a creepy Innuendo to end the chapter.


	9. oOo Rangiku oOo The mole oOo

XD I hope everyone likes it so far! Now it's Rangiku Matsumo's turn!

Rangiku Matsumo- The mole

Now I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but it's quite interesting. Ok, so us humans have pimples and zits all the time right?

Well, most of us do anyway but when I look at all the bleach characters they are perfect! No one has a zit or pimple or mole or birthmark!

Except for... Matsumo... but is it real?

Rangiku woke up very early today. Something felt wrong, and she did not like it. So she got up and walked over to her bathroom to put on her make up.

When she looked in the mirror she was rather confused, she swore she had washed off her fake mole the day before but for some reason it was still on her face.

Shrugging it off she got some soap and water to wash it off. If she didn't reapply the fake mole it might fall off or look fake.

However, when she tried to wash it, it wouldn't come off. She frowned and tried again, she had to get it off.

No one could know it was false or she would die of embarrassment. She tried again but rubbed harder because it wasn't going away.

Finally she let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head. This was too much trouble, and if she didn't leave right away Toshiro would yell at her. But then again, she didn't care.

Her day went by normally and as far as she knew no one had noticed her now not fake mole. She ran home right away and to the mirror.

Good, it looked normal and real. But then again, it was real now.

She just hoped it wasn't that weird human disease called 'cancer.' Hah, if she knew what it actually was she would have wished for cancer.

Then she walked over to her bed, exhausted because of her mole issues, and went to sleep.

The next day she woke up even earlier then the day before that. She was tired and grumpy and she did not want to get up.

However, she did not want to sleep so she got up anyway. As usual she walked over to her mirror and looked in it. She nearly had a heart attack when she saw what was on her face.

The little real mole that had been there was now twice its size and it was really dark. She gulped and poked it quietly, this was definitely not good.

Thinking fast she took out her make up and applied it around the mole, that way it looked smaller then it actually was.

Now all she had to do was hope that no one would notice the cover up. Just like the day before, hey day went by smoothly, and no one said anything about her mole. Also, just like the day before she went to sleep early.

On day 3 of the mole growth cycle Matsumo did not wake up early. Instead she woke up very, very late.

It was mid afternoon when she finally woke up but she still felt extremely tired. The first thing she did was rush over to the mirror and she hoped that the whole mole growing thing was a bad dream.

However, the second she saw her reflection in the mirror she fainted. This was how Toshiro had found her a few hours later.

He had finally gotten sick of waiting for her to show up so he walked over to her room, only to find her unconscious in her bathroom.

Yet, this was not what had caught his attention. Her usually small mole was now covering half of her face and it was moving slightly.

Wait scratch that, it was not moving slightly but it was worming about on her face. Toshiro watched in shock for a few minutes until the living mole thing travelled down to her shoulder and formed a perfect round circle.

Now Toshiro was going to take her to the medics but now he was just too stunned at the events that were unfolding. He continued watching in growing surprise as the mole began growing _up_.

After several more minutes the 'mole' resembled a head, but wait how could a mole have eyes, a mouth, and hair?

Oh my gosh, it was not a mole anymore now was it? But then again, who said it was a mole in the first place? We just assumed that...

That evening Matsumo woke up feeling very strange. The first thing she noticed was that she was no longer in her room and that her shoulder hurt a bit.

For a second she forgot about the mole and turned her head to the side. "Good evening Matsumo." "KYAAAAA!"

Toshiro ran into the room quickly when he heard Matsumo scream but then relaxed when he saw she was just screaming at her other head.

Since when had that been something to relax about? It's a second head for goodness sake!

Rangiku looked in horror at Toshiro and then back at her second head before yelled, "Toshiro! Help, what's going on!"

Toshiro sat down on a chair beside hr bed and then said, "I think Omustam might like to explain that."

She gave him a confused look and then said, "Omustam? Isn't that my name spelled backwards? And who it that anyway?"

The second head chuckled and then said, "Me! I am Omustam Ukignar, your other head. Nice to meet you!"

She looked at the head horrified and then the head continued with, "I am your mole, but I did not want to be a mole so I decided to be a head instead, lucky for you I didn't decide to be a leg because that would have been just plain creepy."

She scoffed and then angrily said, "Yeah, and this isn't!" The head smiled at her and said cheerfully, "Nope!"

Rangiku frowned and then screamed, "Go away! I don't want a second head!" Then she punched her second head in the face and then everything went black.

Some days later...

Matsumo opened her eyes slowly, she felt horrible. Suddenly, she remembered her second head and she looked to her side fearfully.

However, she was happily surprised when she saw there was nothing there, not even a scratch. She let out a content sigh and then looked around. She was in her room and everything looked normal.

Her wish had come true! It had all been a dream! She was overjoyed and she jumped out of bed happily.

But when she stood up it felt really weird so she looked down but then wished she hadn't. She had a third leg...

Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!


	10. oOo Orihime oOo The plan oOo

Chapter 10! XD In this chapter I will try to portray Orihime for what she really is... Hehehehe *wink*

Inoe Orihime- The plan

Now, some had noticed that in anime plans always work out, like magic. However, that's just plain silly, plans fail all the time.

Why? Because they are poorly thought out by usually stupid people. Today a stupid person, Orihime, was thinking of a plan.

I'm excited already, this is fun, and we get to watch Orihime fail miserably. Opps, gave away part of the plot...

Orihime sat in her room happily. She had a plan, but not just any plan, a plan she had made all by herself.

She was so proud, and she just knew it was going to work. But then again, what doesn't work in her head? Hell, you could probably convince her that a rock was her father.

Anyway, Orihime looked at her list that she had made for her step by step. Oh and, gasp, it had a grand total of five steps.

Who could have guessed she could count to five...

First of all, her plan was how to get Ichigo to go out with her.

Step one was to ask to talk to him, but then fall, and to 'accidentally' make her shirt unbutton waaayy down. That way when he bent down to help her up he would have to see her 'twins.'

Step two was to say that she needed help studying for the test, invite him over, drug him and then make him think that they slept together.

Step three was to pretend to suddenly be pregnant and then when he would ask her out, because he was a future daddy, and she would suddenly have a miscarriage.

Step four was... uh, she miscounted. There were only three steps but she was a hundred percent sure they would all work! Then she quickly went to sleep, tomorrow was the day of step1.

With Ichigo... and Rukia...

Ichigo woke up early today; Rukia had woken his up by screaming 'hollow' into his ear.

So he jumped up quickly, but since Rukia was hovering over him he ended up smashing his forehead into hers. She was so shocked that she lost her balance and fell onto Ichigo's bed, and thus onto Ichigo.

He swore loudly and tried to push Rukia off the bed, but then stopped when he saw she wasn't moving.

He freaked out for a bit and tried to shake her awake but when she wouldn't open her eyes he jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom, got some cold water in a cup and threw it all on her face.

She immediately woke up, but now Ichigo was hovering over her when she bolted up and the result was the same as before.

Several minutes and many colourful words later they were ready to go to school. They both had nasty bruises on their foreheads and Rukia needed help walking a bit.

Ichigo guessed she had a concussion so he made sure to always be with her to make sure she didn't fall, trip, or faint.

On their way to school Orihime ran over to them and he heard Rukia chuckle darkly. They both knew that Orihime liked Ichigo, but Ichigo was not interested in her at all.

That's why every time she came around Rukia had to stop herself from laughing at Ichigo during his torture. Orihime looked very happy and bubbly as usual but when they were near school Orihime said she wanted to tell Ichigo something.

Rukia tried to look annoyed, but nearly ended up cracking up because she knew Ichigo would always tell her what she said.

Orihime tried to lead Ichigo away to the small alley, but Ichigo said that he needed to help Rukia and her concussion. Then Orihime dropped the subject and they walked the rest of the way in silence.

With Orihime...

Orihime almost began to scream and pout on the way to school. She was so close to completing step one, but Ichigo had to help Rukia walk.

It was almost unbearable watching Ichigo grab Rukia's hand when she strayed off the path, or tripped. However, her plan would go on and Orihime wanted to get Ichigo up on the school roof to 'talk'.

Her first two classes had gone by really fast and it was now lunch time. Now, all she had to do was get Ichigo with her before he could find Rukia.

Luckily for her Ichigo was walking toward her and she quickly got his attention. Then before he could say anything she led him up to the roof. When they were there Ichigo said he had to go find Rukia and he didn't have time.

Then he began walking away but then she 'tripped' when walking over to him and fell to the ground. He looked worried and tried to help her up but then he saw that her shirt was completely undone and he did something she never guessed he would do.

He freaked out and for some odd reason he threw his binder at her and then ran downstairs. She just lay there; she had no idea what to do.

He _threw_ his binder at her! Who the hell did that? She shook her head and picked up his binder. At least now she had an excuse to see him after school.

With Ichigo...

Ichigo ran down the stairs in shock. He had no idea what possessed him to throw his binder at Orihime, but he was just so shocked.

Sure he liked girls, but he really did not want to see _that_. Then he found Rukia and dragged her off to a far corner of the field.

He had to tell her what had just happened and maybe she could tell him what to say to Orihime next time he saw her.

Rukia was confused at his urgency but when he told her what happened she twitched. Then she shook her head and explained to Ichigo that there was no way that the undone shirt thing was an accident.

She also explained that maybe Orihime thought that Ichigo would like her if he saw her twins. Ichigo shuddered openly at the idea and then asked her what to do when he saw Orihime next.

She chuckled and then told him that he should pretend it never happened and not to act interested in what she says in any way. Ichigo agreed with Rukia and they spent a happy lunch together at the far corner of the field.

With Orihime...

After school Orihime found Ichigo and tried not to show she was annoyed when she saw him holding hands with Rukia.

When she had stared at the hands Ichigo had explained that Rukia almost fell into a ditch and he had to guide her every step of the way. He also explained that for some reason her concussion had become worse.

Orihime told Rukia to get better and told Ichigo that she still had his binder, which she then gave to him. Wasting no time Orihime then said that she needed help studying from Ichigo.

At first Ichigo looked confused and then he looked toward Rukia for advice. For a second it looked like Rukia had made an evil grin but Orihime knew she had to be imagining things.

Then Rukia let go of Ichigo's hand and in a sweet tone she said that she could make it home by her self and that Ichigo should go help Orihime study.

With his back turned to Orihime, Ichigo cast Rukia a dark glare before scowling and walking in the direction of Orihime's house.

Rukia began walking home slowly and she tried not to trip or fall. When she had made it to Ichigo's house she made a very wide grin.

By now Ichigo was probably at Orihime's house and she could just imagine all the corny things she would do to try and get Ichigo to like her.

She jumped into Ichigo's room through the window she let her grin widened. She was sure that Ichigo would not be back for a couple of hours, meaning she had the bed to herself and didn't have to sleep in the closet.

With Ichigo and Orihime...

Ichigo truly hated Rukia now because she had practically made him come to Orihime's house. Now he was sitting in her living room, waiting for her to bring in dinner.

It was getting late and he was hungry, but he did not want to eat here. He would have much rather have eaten back at home with Rukia.

If he thought about it, he wanted to do everything with Rukia. But wouldn't that mean...

His train of thought was interrupted when Orihime came in carrying some food on a tray. He smiled at her but then nearly gagged when he saw what was on the plate.

There was a large jelly purple blob in the middle and thin black hair-like pasta was around it. He twitched; she must have been insane to think he would eat this.

She smiled at him and began digging into her meal. Four hours of studying for _this_.

Ichigo actually doubted that Orihime had wanted to study; she just wanted to listen to him talk and give him 'dinner'.

He shook his head and got up suddenly. Then when Orihime looked at him with her large eyes he said that he had very important plans and he ran out the door before she could say anything.

Orihime sat in the living room quietly and sadly. Her step two had been ruined but she had a backup plan. She would tell everyone that Ichigo showed up at her house drunk, took her in one night of passion and she was now pregnant.

It was definitely not the truth, but Ichigo would date her just to preserve his 'good guy' persona.

With Rukia...

Rukia had been waiting for Ichigo for four hours now. At first she took a small nap, but then she got hungry and went out for a bit to eat.

When she came back fifteen minutes later Ichigo was still not there so she just curled up on his bed for a nap. After an hour and a half of more waiting she just fell asleep.

When Ichigo did finally get home he found Rukia sleeping on his bed. He thought it was really cute, but he did not want to disturb her so he just got himself a little spot on the bed beside her and fell asleep.

He would tell her what had happened at Orihime's tomorrow.

The next morning Rukia felt much better. For one, she felt that her concussion was almost gone and the bruise was healing very nicely.

Two, Ichigo's bed was much softer then her make shift closet bed. Three, she was very warm and comfy.

However, when she opened her eyes she was shocked to see the sleeping face. Ichigo was sleeping in front of her on the side of the bed.

She was rather flattered by the fact that he did not wake her up and kick her off his bed. He looked very peaceful in his sleep and she did not wake him because he did not wake her.

A few minutes he woke up and she smiled at him after thanking him for letting her sleep. Ichigo told her it was nothing and told her the last night's events.

Rukia chuckled when he as done and she told him Orihime was going to drug him. He looked at her in shock and demanded to know how she had known that.

She just gave him a sweet charming smile and told him that a girl just knows. Then they got ready, ate breakfast and began walking to school.

Ichigo had insisted that they take the long way to avoid Orihime and Rukia gladly agreed. She had no idea how much longer she could keep up looking calm when Orihime talked to Ichigo.

One of these days she would burst into maniacal laugher and run around in circles and them.

When they were almost at the school Orihime was no where in sight so Ichigo and Rukia got a ton of more time alone.

When class began Ichigo remembered what he had been thinking yesterday. He had admitted to himself that he liked spending time with Rukia, but then his thoughts had been cut off.

Ichigo sat in class quietly; there was only one way to explain why he felt like this. He liked Rukia, a lot. Yes, he did for sure and there was no denying it.

Ichigo felt rather glad he had finally realized this, but his happiness disappeared when Orihime ran into the class and announced to everyone that she was pregnant and Ichigo was the daddy.

With Rukia...

The rumours had spread like wild fire. Orihime and pregnant and Ichigo was the father.

Rukia had to ask Ichigo if this was true, she knew it wasn't but she had to make sure. Ichigo met up with her within the minute after the bell rang.

He had immediately pulled her to the side and explained that nothing had happened between him and Orihime.

Rukia was glad to hear that but then Ichigo grabbed her suddenly and kissed her. She looked at him in shock and he whispered 'I like you' into her ear.

She smiled at him and after a small pause she whispered 'I like you too'. Then Ichigo and Rukia walked back inside the school holding hands. They had to deal with Orihime before they could begin to figure out their feelings.

With Orihime...

Orihime stood outside the school with a huge grin on her face when she saw Ichigo walking over to her. However, her grin disappeared when she saw Ichigo was holding hands with Rukia.

They both walked over to her and Ichigo bluntly said he didn't like her and Rukia explained that she and Ichigo were now seeing each other.

Then Ichigo quickly took out a camera and took a picture of Orihime's completely shocked expression. This was definitely going into the yearbook.

After that was done Ichigo and Rukia walked away happily, leaving Orihime standing in front of the school looking like a retard.

Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!


	11. oOo Kenpachi oOo The zanpacto oOo

Hehehe Chapter 11!

Zaraki Kenpachi- The zanpacto

Kenpachi was mad, very, very mad. He was so mad that it could barely be described as 'mad'. The reason for his anger?

Simple, someone or something was pulling pranks on him. I don't mean the little egg-your-house pranks, but these were big ones.

Just yesterday Kenpachi had woken up to see his entire room plastered with pink wallpaper that was permanent. The day before that someone had stolen all of his bells so all he had was regular spikes and not bell spikes.

However, this morning was the worst of all. Someone had kidnapped Yachiru, his little Yachiru. He had always thought that she was able to take care of herself, but this made him worry.

She wasn't weak so that made him worry even more. He paced around his pink wallpapered room and thought. Then it hit him, he was Zaraki Kenpachi and he did not think!

So, he grabbed his zanpacto and ran out of his room in search of Yachiru. He would look everywhere and he would definitely find her.

With Yachiru...

Yachiru giggled happily, her kidnapper was very funny. She had a great sense of humour and she had tonnes of candy.

Yachiru took another bite and then began to recall the events that led to this. She had been in her room sleeping when suddenly a woman walked in her room and plainly stated that she was a kidnapper.

Then the woman said that she had tonnes of candy and Yachiru followed her gladly. After that the woman led her outside and opened a portal that led to a beautiful, peaceful meadow with a huge pile of candy in the middle.

This was where Yachiru and the woman were now and Yachiru couldn't be happier. She cast a sideways glance at the woman, who had shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes, and she wore a summer outfit.

Yachiru grabbed a lollipop and jumped over to the woman. She smiled at Yachiru and then she said, "Yachiru, do you want to play a game?"

Yachiru eagerly agreed and they began to play tag in the peaceful meadow.

With Kenpachi...

This was totally not working. At first when he had begun looking for Yachiru he felt all excited and ready for battle, but now he was getting more and more tense by the minute.

It was mid afternoon and he still had not found Yachiru. That could have something to do with the fact that he had no idea how to detect spiritual pressure, but he would never admit that out loud.

Finally, he swallowed his pride and asked one of his squad members to find her. He looked and looked for her spiritual pressure but he found nothing. Kenpachi nearly killed him for it, but then just left when he realized it wasn't his fault.

Now that Kenpachi was officially out of ideas he just sat in his room watching TV. This was not his TV, but on his last trip to the real world he stole it and brought it here.

He was currently watching CSI: Miami and right now there was one person dead and another kidnapped. He continued to watch with interest; maybe this show would tell him the answer to how he could save Yachiru.

With Yachiru...

Unknown to him Yachiru did not need any saving, hell she was fine if no one found her ever again. This place was her definition of heaven, and she was not leaving any time soon.

As she finished another pie she said between bites, "Is this heaven pretty lady?" Pretty lady was the name she had given to her kidnapper who replied, "No, this is Kenpachi's mind."

Now, surprisingly Yachiru was a pretty bright child and she was able to piece a couple of things together. The only was this could possible be Kenpachi's head would be if pretty lady was Kenpachi's zanpacto.

When Yachiru realized this she jumped up and yelled, "Pretty lady is Kenpachi's zanpacto!"

The woman shook her head and said, "No, I _was_ Kenpachi's zanpacto, now I'm just..." She trailed off and looked down sadly.

Yachiru didn't like to see anyone sad so she sat down beside the woman and cheerfully asked, "What's your name?" The woman seemed to frown a bit when she said, "I don't have one, it's been so long since I knew it. Since Kenpachi never said it I forgot it."

Yachiru nodded and began to think, she had to find a way to bring pretty lady and Kenpachi together. In Yachiru's mind that would make both of them very happy.

Then Yachiru said, "Can we go see Ken-chan? He needs me to remind him not to kill anyone from other people's squads!" The woman made a small smile and then said, "Sure why not? I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees me."

With Kenpachi...

Kenpachi was eagerly watching CSI: Miami to see how the kidnapped person would be saved. However, at the end of the show the kidnapper killed everyone in the building, including the person he kidnapped.

This made Kenpachi extremely depressed and he just sat on his couch quietly. Now there was no hope, Yachiru was going to get shot with something called a 'gun'.

He had no idea what it was but it didn't seem nice. Suddenly, he heard a happy laugh coming from the window. He got up and walked over to the window, but he was completely shocked to see Yachiru sitting on the shoulder of a woman.

She had shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes, and she wore summer clothing. Kenpachi gave them both a confused look and said, "Who are you and what are you doing with Yachiru?"

The woman gave him a smirk and then said, "I am Yachiru's kidnapper, and I will giver her back to you if you can answer this one simple question."

Kenpachi frowned and then said, "I have no time for your silly games, give me Yachiru."

Now Yachiru giggled and then said, "You have to answer the question or I won't go with you!"

Kenpachi scowled and then the woman said, "Tell me my name and I will give you Yachiru."

He stared at her in shock, how was he supposed to know this strangers name? He had never seen her before in his life, but yet she seemed familiar. Kenpachi closed his eyes and began to think, where had he seen this woman before?

The woman looked at Kenpachi steadily; he had to know her name. He was her owner; he had to know what her name was.

Although she had no idea what her name was she was sure she would recognize it when she heard it. Kenpachi looked like he was in deep concentration, which was a very strange look on him considering the fact that he rarely thought.

Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he yelled, "Kagamine Tsuyowa!" She stared at him in shock as she felt something in her soul stir.

Then she felt herself being pulled forward and she watched Kenpachi's shocked expression as she burst into flame. This felt familiar, this must he her power.

She opened her mouth and whispered, "Kenpachi, I am your zanpacto."

With that ends the little book of crack, bleach style! Thank you all for reading and if you liked it I also have a Naruto and Inuyasha book of crack up! I also have the Akatsuki's!

Thoughts?


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